"... make it to the next day."

 So it's been a few days since I posted anything.

Really I don’t have a lot to say at the moment. ..really what can I say? The person I care/cared about the most said she didn’t want to be with me anymore so I packed up and left and every bit of it sucked. I miss her more than I have missed anything in my life, but I can’t even tell her that. So now I sit around being depressed and the last 3 or 4 days have been rough, and pretty fucking lonely. She wasn’t wrong we did need to be apart, we were too co-dependent I just wished I knew back when the cracks started to show that it was heading this way..maybe I could have done something. ..maybe it wouldn’t have been a complete separation...but maybe it would have been, maybe we were beyond saving. ....maybe this was always going to be our future. It still fucking sucks. It still hurts. I need a hug from my wife because she was the one who could always make me smile but now my smile is gone. Oh Jesus I sound like a poem written by a lovesick 14yr old.

So yeah, super depressed but don’t worry I am not going to do anything stupid or anything like that. I am just lonely. I will heal and maybe someday move on I know that but I wish  people wouldn't  keep telling me that, it is honestly not what I want to hear, I also don’t want to hear people badmouthing my ex because I have no ill will towards her.

So what have I been up to? Not really a lot? I have been looking for work, and have a job interview later in the week but I am not saying much about that until I know more. Making a resume was interesting after not being unemployed for over a decade, it took a few tries to get a usable one. I had one from before I moved to the new city, but I wasn’t overly happy with it as it was just my old resume from 10yrs ago slightly updated. So I set that one aside and started from scratch. Other than that a lot of sitting around doing nothing, when the weather is good I try to go out..even just for a walk. Some evenings I go with my roommate to the private club is a member of and it serves as a good distraction...then I come home, and go to bed and do it all over again the next day. ....right now that is all I can do, make it to the next day.


OK need coffee...bye.



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