"...only the good times remain."

So the time has arrived for me to start packing. The next couple of weeks are going to suck, I still have a week left at work so that's going to take up the majority of my time this week. In the basement there are multiple boxes and bins of random crap to sort through, not to mention all the tools. Upstairs there are 20 years of collecting books to deal with...fuck I am not looking to moving those books, why couldn't I be an illiterate moron...my back already hurts thinking about it.

It's OK it will get done, it has to get done.

Getting packed is only part of the equation...I still have to get to my new destination which is about 150km(93 miles) or and a half away. Like I can rent a truck easily enough, but no one(me included) wants me driving a big-ass moving truck...especially in the middle of winter. So I need to get someone to drive the truck..sounds simple right, well everyone I know who can help me, either lives there or lives here. So if someone drives a truck from here to there for me how do they get back to here. Something tells me I may have to pay to transport someone from here to there or there to here...Jesus Christ I sound like a Dr. Suess book. “Here to there and everywhere, no I do not want green eggs and ham with my moving van.”

Well, at least my sense of humor is back.

So pack and move...should be easy...fuck.

T and I started splitting our stuff up a little bit yesterday, which was actually a lot easier than expected. Actually, the whole split has been a lot easier than expected. The fact that I am not angry or resentful toward her helps a lot. I tried to be angry, I wanted to be angry at her, but she is doing what is right for her. She needs and deserves to be the best version of herself, and that's who she is becoming.  How can I be angry at that? If I truly love and respect her(and myself) I need to let this happen... So I am letting go and she is also letting me go and I am sure it hurts her as well. She knows I am not happy and that I need to find my happy, I am just sad our "happy" wasn't with each other.  The pain that we both going through just means that we matter to each other and that's a good thing. The more I process it the more I am OK with it...not happy but OK. When I talked to my therapist on Friday with talked about the concept of loving someone but not being in love with them anymore. I think that describes me and T perfectly. I have nothing but love and respect for her but I am not in love with her anymore, don’t get me wrong there is still an ember or a spark there somewhere, but we both need to learn to be indiviuals again. I am sure she has a lot of the same feelings. So since there is mutual love and respect it makes things easier in a lot of ways. I also think (and maybe hope a little bit) that after some time apart we will miss each other and will want to be part of each other's lives...in a nonromantic way, at least I hope that's how it works out. ....but maybe I will move out and we will never speak to each other or see each other again. That would be sad, but that's what good memories are for, I will always carry those with me. We had a lot of good times over the last 20 years so I am letting go of the shitty times and choosing to let only the good times remain.


Anyhow, time to get packing.


Big Love.


R-

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